The Legend. The Philosopher. The Ball.
About Nick The Ball
Nick The Ball is not just a squash ball.
He is a former professional. A one-match veteran. A survivor of elite pressure, amateur handling, and the slow indignity of life after relevance.
For one glorious match, Nick The Ball was at the centre of everything.
Every rally depended on him. Every boast, every error, every desperate lunge, every badly disguised excuse – all of it passed through Nick. He was struck, chased, shouted at, blamed, warmed up, cooled down, and eventually judged.
Then, like so many great athletes, he was retired before he was truly understood.
Since then, Nick The Ball has lived the complicated life of a used squash ball. He has rolled around at the bottom of bags, been mistaken for training equipment, endured the crumbs of protein bars, and suffered the ultimate humiliation: being picked up by a young player and used as a second-hand ball.
Not dignified. But educational. Through it all, Nick has refined one simple belief: Be Professional or Go Home.
The Legend. The Philosopher. The Ball.
About Nick The Ball
Nick The Ball is not just a squash ball.
He is a former professional. A one-match veteran. A survivor of elite pressure, amateur handling, and the slow indignity of life after relevance.
For one glorious match, Nick The Ball was at the centre of everything.
Every rally depended on him. Every boast, every error, every desperate lunge, every badly disguised excuse – all of it passed through Nick. He was struck, chased, shouted at, blamed, warmed up, cooled down, and eventually judged.
Then, like so many great athletes, he was retired before he was truly understood.
Since then, Nick The Ball has lived the complicated life of a used squash ball. He has rolled around at the bottom of bags, been mistaken for training equipment, endured the crumbs of protein bars, and suffered the ultimate humiliation: being picked up by a young player and used as a second-hand ball.
Not dignified. But educational. Through it all, Nick has refined one simple belief: Be Professional or Go Home.
Nick’s Career
Nick The Ball’s professional career lasted one match.
Just one. But what a match.
It had everything: movement, intensity, questionable shot selection, and at least one player convinced he was “controlling the T” while mostly standing near it.
Nick gave everything. He hit the front wall, side wall, back wall, floor, tin, and occasionally a racket in a way that suggested the player had other plans entirely.
He was fast when required, dead when accused, and silent throughout – already more professional than most people on court. After the match, Nick expected respect.
Instead, he was thrown into a bag with a wet towel, two broken grips, and a banana of uncertain age.
Retirement came quickly. The bitterness took longer.
Nick’s Philosophy
Nick The Ball believes squash is a simple game made unnecessarily complicated by people who refuse to take responsibility for their own footwork.
His philosophy is built around one uncompromising mantra:
Be Professional or Go Home.
To Nick, professionalism is not about owning three rackets or saying “good length” after every shot you fail to return.
Warm up properly. Play properly. Call fairly. Lose with dignity. Win without giving a TED Talk. And above all, stop blaming the ball.
Nick has no time for sloppy preparation, fake injuries, lazy boasts, or players who spend six minutes arguing about a let while standing exactly where the problem started.
He is small. He is round. But his standards remain immaculate.
Wear the Standard
Nick The Ball may no longer be match-fit, but his message lives on.
The official Nick The Ball merch collection is for players, coaches, clubs, squash obsessives, and anyone who believes that turning up with standards is the bare minimum.
T-shirts. Hoodies. Mugs. Court-side essentials. Possibly items Nick considers beneath him, but has reluctantly approved for commercial reasons.
Because Be Professional or Go Home is more than a slogan.
It is a lifestyle. It is a judgement.
It is what a squash ball would say if players stopped talking long enough to listen.
Visit the merch page and wear the standard.
The First Gold
Nick The Ball is also the official co-host of The First Gold, a channel dedicated to squash, competition, stories from the tour, and the pursuit of sporting greatness.
Alongside Mark, Nick provides expert analysis, questionable opinions, and a level of confidence that far exceeds his 42-minute professional career. While Mark insists he is the host, Nick remains convinced that The First Gold is, in fact, his show and generously allows everyone else to participate.
On the channel, Nick shares his views on matches, players, tactics, professionalism, and the many creative ways people avoid taking responsibility for their footwork. His commentary is direct, uncompromising, and almost entirely free of self-doubt.
Together, Nick and Mark explore the highs and lows of the sport, celebrate its biggest moments, and occasionally disagree on matters of great importance. Nick usually considers these disagreements a learning opportunity for Mark.
